Do what you can

"Do what you can, when you can." -probably everyone

I'm sure someone smarter than me has waxed eloquent about these words, probably both in favor and in criticism. In any case, I doubt I'm the first to say them. I wouldn't know who to attribute them to, though, and let's be honest, it's not like it's the most earth shattering quote you've ever heard. (It is, isn't it? 😉)

But this concept has been a driving force of positive change in my life lately, to an astonishing degree.

The funny thing is, I can read these words two different ways, each way having a distinctly different affect in my psyche.

One way, and the way I am so oft to internalize such statements, is demanding. It's tone is harsh and unforgiving, inconsiderate of my needs or actual abilities in that moment. Simply demanding of whatever I am capable of* - right here, right now; even though we both inherently know, it won't be - won't ever be - enough.

*And the funny, ironic, thing is - I am capable of a lot. A whole lot. I am so capable, I don't actually know what I am realistically capable of (I believe this to be true for most people I think, though it's not the point). 

The thing is, I *can* do a lot. I *can* keep studying all night long. I *can* do -insert long list of societal demands and expectations. 

For a while. 

What I didn't know was - the unbalanced "I can do anything to get through this" mindset comes at a cost. 

It's never enough.

Once you've completed *that thing* - there's another *next thing* staring at you unsympathetically. No break. No time to rest or regroup. No acknowledgement of what you sacrificed to get this far. Just a "okay, good, let's go."

It's not a sustainable pace, and there is a cost to pay. That task - it doesn't care about your cost. And the people on the other side of that demand - they don't know about your cost.*

*Not to demonize all people with expectations of others - it's an inherent part of life I imagine. But others don't know - and likely cannot know - what it costs *you*

Regardless of what some may say, the cost of each day / task / expectation is inherently different for each of us. It can't not be. Our gifts, abilities, trauma, resources, understanding, perspective - is all so incredibly different. You cannot compare your experience and productive [in]abilities to anyone else's. They are not you.

"Do what you can, when you can"

But the other way I hear these words, is with kindness. A soft voice. Compassionate and understanding. 

It says to me, "it's okay, you cannot do everything, I understand."

It's an encouraging voice, celebrating each small accomplishment. "[The house is still a wreck, but] you did a great job picking up the dirty dishes. Let's rest for a bit and come back later to work on some more."

And the funny - ironic - thing about this perspective is, I often am able to [eventually] accomplish *that thing* and feel happier, more rested, and more accomplished at the end of it. 

And sometimes I don't ever get around to *that thing* - and I realize, it wasn't worth the cost to me after all.