Clemson in the Fall, part 2: Looking Forward

So in my last blog I reminisced about my time in Clemson in past years and the wonderful friends that helped cheer up the lonely times. It's so hard not to remember those days when the fall hits here. I love it. But that got me thinking about something else that I am very thankful for.

Ultimately, I do love getting to be back in Clemson for one more go-around. And I love it all the more because I get to be here with my nearest and dearest - my hubs! (This, btw, is currently my favorite way to refer to my husband in my blog posts; also note different renditions which include hubby, hubster, and hub-er-ific - just kidding on that last one... maybe.)

Getting to be in school together with my husband is such a blessing. I love that he's here with me. And together, we are rewriting all of those lonely nights and frustrated days. Instead of remembering my local pizza eatery as the place I would study alone over dinner, I remember our date nights there with the fried mushrooms hubby loves. Instead of studying alone at the library, I get to study over coffee with my huberific (heh heh) at our amazing little coffee shop. And have pretend light saber (actual popsicle) battles in the kitchen (yes, this did happen... like, last week). And long theoretical discussions about rhetoric and post-modern blah blah (I only half get that stuff...) and scientific conversations about physiology and reproduction (what? it's what I study... don't tell me it's not more interesting ;)

And there are still lonely nights (three nights a week he's in class or meetings while I'm home) and there are still plenty of frustrated days (I mean, come on, we're in grad school!). But ultimately, they're sweeter and funner and more interesting than ever before.

So while I do cherish my past years in Clemson and am thankful for the friends that helped light those times, I wanted to dedicate one more blog to Clemson in the Fall. But this time, to the fall times of now and yet to come, and to be thankful for my very best friend that gets to be here with me this time.

Clemson in the Fall: Reminiscing

I love Clemson in the fall. It reminds me of being in college.

Oh wait...

(This is where we all realize that I am still in college.)

Hubs and I drove to Walmart last night to pick up a few things. The windows were down and the breeze was divine. And somehow, that's the essence of what being in college was for me for a while (circa 2005). Late night Walmart trips and a cool fall breeze. At least, it's definitely part of my fond memories of those days. Also, chinese food, Friend's and CSI season marathons, lots of drive time with Chandler...

The years I spent in that shabby little loft apartment that I loved so much, I often remember them as sad and depressing. I spent a lot of time sleeping and watching TV and being alone. And yet when I look back, I see so many times glittered by the ones I love, being there in support and friendship.

Jen, I totally enjoyed the emerald ball with you.
David, you made organic chemistry enjoyable (and, the second time around, you made it possible :).
Alex, I'm so glad you were my neighbor and friend during that time - I still remember watching Batman Begins with you and David, haha.
Jon, I was glad you were my neighbor, for the minute you were there ;)
Elizabeth, I got a very timely phone call from you one day that I still think about a lot.
Rachel, you were the only roommate I ever had; God bless you for your efforts - we really did have a great time together.
And so many others...

So thank you to everyone who took the time to drive down (the whole 45 minutes - why does it seem like so much longer than that?!) and help me move, or spend the night, or help me clean my kitchen (this happened more than I'd like to admit; thank you Brent and Shannon! And Jen!!). It was one of the hardest, and yet now I can say, a very fond time of my life.

"I got friends who (la la lie), will help me pull through (la la lie)" (Jack's Mannequin, La La Lie)

Awaken

Can anyone say "writer's block"?!

Guess it's been a while...

And the only reason I'm posting now is because if I don't post, then I never will. So here goes.

The summer flew by, as I knew it would. I have no idea what I accomplished. I did go to a conference in Portland, Oregon, which was interesting. And we have been plugging through our first animal trial for my doctoral research. So that's kept me pretty busy on and off since March.

Have I mentioned at all that I do research? Probably not. It's one of those things you have to be careful discussing, because you never know how much people actually want to know. Suffice to say I am studying what I like to call "molecular reproductive physiology" - basically, how reproduction works on a molecular level (think DNA here). Of course there's also the macro level as well (think real live animals); so we're working with bulls to get at the gene expression associated with fertility. More or less.

I am officially through the first year of my PhD. Two and half to go (that's the goal, anyway). Someone I know well and trust dearly looked at me and told me that the past year was about a 3 out of 10 for me (my husband's was a 7 out of 10!). Whew. That's better than a 1 or a 2, but here's hoping for something a little higher this year!

It's definitely been a learning process. And I guess that's the point. (Well, duh, you might say. But, no, really.) It's not so much about learning a lot of facts and gaining a lot of knowledge. It's a process that is designed to drag you through the ringer, almost literally. One professor told my husband that getting your PhD is like your second childhood. In the hard kind of way, not the fun kind of way.

You daily face the fact that you know very little, are desperately under-equipped to face the problems that need to be solved yesterday, and end up crying a lot.

And the point here wasn't to complain about how hard it is, as much as to describe how much development is going on. And though I feel that little growth has actually been obtained, I have to believe that as long as I keep plugging through, surely some ground has to be gained. Surely. Surely?

In the midst of all the unknowns educationally, I have been growing a lot spiritually. Which truly is more important to me anyway. It's been quite a deepening. I recently described to my husband that it seems I've been coasting along for the past ten years, clueless and delirious, and all of a sudden I just woke up and saw the world around me. Awakened. To something other than myself.

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." Romans 12:3