Kairos

A beautiful, sunny, breezy Friday. Peaceful. I didn't have to go into work today, so of course I slept in - and it was glorious. I slept soundly and peacefully here for the first time in weeks, and cuddled into my down comforter for as long as I could possibly get away with. I'm not sure today could be much more simply perfect. This, however, is in stark contrast to yesterday.

There is not enough time or space here - nor would you be interested enough - for me to explain the process that brought me to this point. Let's just say, something that needs to work isn't working, and yesterday saw me at the end of the proverbial road of what I knew to try to make it work. This has been weeks (and really, months) in coming. At my wits end. In a deep dark hole, with no way to climb out. Every way I could think of to "climb out" failed. And I wanted to scream. And cry. And run away.

Which takes me to Wednesday night's service. Hubs and I debated whether we should go up for service on Wednesday. We had just arrived home the night before, and I had work to catch up on and, honestly, would have liked to "rest" a bit. But with Drew out of class for the night, we had the opportunity to go. And moreover, we felt that we should go.

Over the previous weekend at church, we heard about 2 Corinthians 4:7 "we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." I had read over that scripture Wednesday morning for my devotions and had thought on it through the day. The strength and power I have to face these things - it's from God, not from me. So when my scores aren't *quite* high enough to look good for this fellowship application, or my great "wisdom" for working out this lab procedure isn't quite working, I can praise God! Because HE is the one that's going to work through this, and I don't have to rely on myself. Moreover, even if I don't get the fellowship and even if this darned procedure never does get worked out - HE is the one that provides me peace and wisdom through it all. And I know He will be faithful, regardless of the outcome.

These were my thoughts as I worked through the day on Wednesday. So we decided to go to church. And Pastor brought us back to that same scripture! And then he proceeded through the chapter to focus on verses 16 - 18:

(16) Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. (17) For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (18) So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Do not lose heart. Our troubles are light and momentary. There is an eternal glory being achieved that outweighs our troubles. So keep your eyes on God, because what you're seeing is only temporary!

Little did I know how much I would need those words on Thursday. When, finally, all solutions failed, and I was done. I could think of nothing else to try, everything -for weeks- had gone wrong, Dr. Advisor would be back on Monday expecting results, and I had nothing. Except failed attempts and lame excuses.('Cause, let's face it, all excuses are lame at that point.) I had nothing left. A flood of emotions and reactions were at my door, threatening to take over at any moment. But I knew that it was important to handle this situation correctly - I did not have the liberty to fly off the handle in rage or tears or to be imprudent in anyway. I also knew I didn't have the strength to hold together anymore.

Right there, when I most needed it, words from the night before resounded so clearly, and so personally, that it seemed that church service had been orchestrated so I could have the help I needed precisely when I needed it. "Do not lose heart! Our troubles are light and momentary! There is an eternal glory being achieved that FAR outweighs our troubles! Keep your eyes on God; what you're seeing is only temporary!" And so there was peace in the middle of upheaval. And though no solution came, I could hold on through the day trusting in God.

So here we are, back to this beautiful Friday. The peaceful rest I had last night, the lovely day that is today. There were still no solutions, but there was peace. And more than that - joy! And then, there was kairos. Which, in the New Testament, means "the appointed time in the purpose of God."

I was driving down the road listening to the radio, singing along to Bebo Norman's "I Will Lift My Eyes" - a song I really like, and was happily enjoying while I revealed in the beautiful day. As I was singing along with the chorus, in the middle of the line "I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb," about the time I got to "Maker" the song all of a sudden pierced my heart and my memory was transported back to Israel. To an evening on the Sea of Galilee, where Elizabeth sang that very song, and as she sang those words on that beautiful evening by the sea I realized that God makes mountains we aren't able to climb so that we will trust in Him. And as the memory of that evening and the significance of that revelation flooded over me, God spoke to me "I made this." HE made this mountain that I am completely unable to climb, and He did it on purpose. So that I will trust Him. Cling to Him. Rely upon HIM.

"Consider it pure joy ... whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4